Dirty Bertie: Disco!

'''Dirty Bertie: Disco! '''is a book.

Disco
We open at school assembly on Monday, where Miss Darling announces that they will be having a prom party instead of their usual thing, which is to watch a movie. Bertie doesn't like the idea of a prom, especially not the dancing part, but does like the idea of going to one in a limo like Darren's cousin did. Bertie says that he hates the idea of dancing, especially with girls, but Darren tells him that you have to take a girl to the prom and that the punishment for not going is to do extra maths with Miss Boot. Bertie leaves, and Darren reveals to Eugene that they don't really have to take girls with them-- it was just a prank. However, when he asks Suzy for advice, she goes along with the prank.

On the day of the prom, Darren and Eugene lie that Pamela and Amanda are their partners and encourage Bertie to ask Donna to the prom. He goes over to her but, even though she's his friend, he doesn't want to ask her to the prom so he changes his mind and instead asks if she still has a dog, and she affirms.

He tries asking more girls, but he's too scared to, and he tries writing a note to Kelly but it only reaches Nick, who thinks it's a joke. Then, Angela throws a tennis ball at him and he reluctantly asks her to the prom. She says yes.

At the prom, Darren and Eugene laugh about Angela being Bertie's "girlfriend" and she gets offended when he tells them she's not. He is embarrassed to find out it's a prank and that he and Angela are the only boy and girl together, but Angela wants to dance with him anyway. She then brings Laura, Maisie, Darren, and Eugene over.

Great Escape
Gran has come over for tea and cake, and invites Bertie on a coach trip to a place called Skegby-on-Sea because a few people have dropped out. Bertie is delighted at the possibility of going to the seaside, but is a bit concerned because the last time he went on an excursion with Gran it inolved her boyfriend Reg and they acted all mushy. He's even more doubtful when he learns he's going to be the only kid in a group of seniours, including Sherry who he doesn't like, and that they're going to be singing (and he hates Gran's singing voice). However, when Mrs. Burns says that there is a funfair at Skegby, Bertie decides he will definitely go.

They arrive at the coach, only for Sherry to kiss Bertie and reveal that Gerry, the usual coach driver who's very cheerful, is unwell and a grumpy woman named Miss Stickler is subbing for him. Sherry, thankfully, sits next to a guy named Ted so Bertie doesn't have to deal with her, but Miss Stickler reveals that they aren't going to the funfair.

Miss Stickler schedules too many bathroom breaks and tells Bertie off for goofing around, and when they get there, she claims it's too windy to go to the beach, that the seniors shouldn't play football, and gives them a list of activities to do instead, which include visiting tea shops, an antiques market, a church, and a pencil museum. The seniors aren't too happy with these activities either-- Gran wants to play bingo, Sherry wants to play crazy golf, and Ted wants to go to the pier.

They start off on those activities, but Bertie finds them boring, especially with the funfair in earshot. The seniors want to go to the funfair too, so Bertie suggests they escape. Everyone agrees that is a good idea, so they lock Miss Stickler in the toilets and head off to the funfair.

There, they have a great time, but Miss Stickler shows up, so they put her on the Ferris wheel and continue having fun.

Slave
Bertie wants a worm farm, but he can't afford it. His father thinks worms belong in the garden, his mother and Darren think they're disgusting, Gran is afraid of them, and Eugene just "isn't keen" on them and is saving up for a violin case. Bertie wonders who else he might ask for ten pounds -- Nick wouldn't lend him anything, but Royston is very wealthy. Then again, he and Bertie don't get along. He asks Royston anyway, and he says that he'll only cough up the money if Bertie is his slave for the day.

He reluctantly agrees and tells his friends about it, who also aren't keen on the idea. Royston comes over, demanding that Bertie bow, call him "master" or "your highness", and clean his shoes, deliberately dirtying them just so they'd need cleaning. He polishes them with a dirty tissue, then the bell rings for class.

In class, they have a maths test and Royston demands Bertie sit next to him and do his work for him. He does, but has no time to do his own test, so Miss Boot gives him extra maths homework.

Royston then demands Bertie to bring him his lunch, shelter him with an umbrella, and carry his bag. Then, when they come up to a large puddle, he demands to be carried. When they get halfway through the puddle, the time has run out, so Bertie dumps Royston into the puddle. Royston refuses to give Bertie the ten pounds, but Bertie doesn't mind and teases Royston.

Trivia

 * Bertie remembers going to the pool without his trunks. This happened in the story "Bottom!".
 * Bertie remembers going to the movies with Gran and her boyfriend Reg, which happened in the story "Horror!".
 * Miss Stickler claims that wind causes colds. In reality, viruses cause colds, and low temperatures usually don't worsen your immune system unless you're already fighting an infection.
 * Royston remembers Whiffer leaving a "present" (actually poop) in his pool. This happened in "Poop!".