Dirty Bertie: Fame!

Dirty Bertie: Fame! is a book.

Fame
Bertie goes downstairs and hears his parents talking in the kitchen. Mr. Burns says that he was on the phone with Miss Lavish from the drama group, who is looking for boys for an audition. Mrs. Burns wonders if it is a play and Mr. Burns says that, no, it's for something on the TV. Bertie wants to be on TV, but his parents are dubious, especially since Mr. Burns can't take him as he has work and Mrs. Burns can't take him as she has to take Suzy to dance class. Then, they get an idea: have Gran take him.

Bertie and Gran like the sound of being on TV, but so do a lot of much-cleaner boys in formal clothes. Two hours later, Bertie meets the director Amy and his assistant Paul, who tell him that he will star in an advert. Bertie tells them that he once played a dog in a play. Amy and Paul tell Bertie that he needs to be himself and not mind getting wet, then they tell him to read a card. He reads, "Monster bobbles for little monsters," but it actually says, "bubbles" and they tell him to be more expressive. He tries a pirate voice, but they tell him to use his regular voice. He does, and they approve.

They go home, and then the following week, Bertie gets a letter saying he got the part. His parents are taken aback, Suzy teases him, and Gran hugs him, and Bertie and Gran wonder the ad is for soda since it's about bubbles. At school, he tells Darren and Eugene who initially don't believe him but they're impressed when they do.

On Saturday morning, at the studio, a teenage girl named Ellie puts mud-like makeup on Bertie and tells Gran that he must look dirty and like he needs a bath and that the advert is for bubble bath. Bertie is shocked at the idea of having to be naked on TV, even when Ellie and Gran reassure him that the bubbles will cover his shame. Bertie acts the scene, embarrassed (but not wanting to admit it) and wearing pink pants.

Over the next few weeks, Bertie clams up about the advert and when he gets the letter saying it's on Friday, claims he's feeling unwell. The family, plus Darren, Eugene, Miss Boot, and the Nicelys watch the advert on TV (Bertie tries sitting on the remote and pretending it's a power cut but it doesn't work), and Bertie is very embarrassed.

Fishy
On a Saturday evening, Mr. Burns says he might go fishing. Bertie wants to come too, but Mr. Burns thinks this is a bad idea because Bertie is both accident-prone and might disturb the peace. He tries to dissuade him by saying that it is difficult and boring, but Mrs. Burns and Suzy side with Bertie, so Mr. Burns reluctantly lets him come, but doesn't let him borrow his fishing rod for fear of breaking it. Bertie then shows his family the maggots, grossing the female Burnses out and annoying Mr. Burns.

At 8:30, Mr. Burns hurries Bertie to the fishing spot and is disappointed to find his usual place taken by a man and a boy. They find a different spot and Bertie gets impatient while Mr. Burns sets up, then the boy taking their spot turns out to be Nick and he shows off. Nick's father arrives and also begins to show off.

At noon, the Burns guys still haven't caught any fish and Bertie is getting bored because he is not allowed to do much lest he scare the fish. Mr. Burns lets him have a sandwich, but only one. Bertie looks over at the Payne guys and decides to prank Nick. He puts some maggots in one of his own sandwiches and offers it to Nick, but Nick suspects that it's a prank and offers to share. Before either of the boys can eat, however, Mr. Payne calls Nick over for lunch.

Some time later, however, (and with still no fish caught), Mr. Burns ends up eating the maggot sandwich. When he takes a look, he assumes Bertie was pranking him, and even when Bertie says it was meant for Nick, Mr. Burns insists on going home. Just then, however, a large carp is attracted to the sandwich and Bertie catches it in his net.

Outlaw
On the school playground, Bertie is pretending to be Robin Hood, while Darren is pretending to be Alan of Dale and Eugene as William Scarlet. They try to pretend Nick is the bad guy, but he threatens to scream. They then try to pretend Angela is the bad guy but she wants to be a "merry girl". They say no because there were no merry girls, and then they run away lest she try to kiss Bertie again. The boys then decide to rob Royston, as he is rich, however, he just teases them and walks off.

They decide to rob Royston of his sweets at the sweet shop, but Eugene is concerned about stealing. Bertie says that they will share the sweets so it's kind of like giving to the poor. When Eugene is concerned about being caught, Bertie decides to go incognito.

At the sweet shop, the three boys, with hankies on their faces, jump on Royston and tickle him until he drops his sweets. They run off to the park, but Eugene is concerned because Royston recognised them and they need someone to share the sweets with. They consider Donna but she isn't poor, and Trevor but Darren thinks vegetarians don't eat sweets. They go to Bertie's place, while eating the sweets, and when they get there, there are only four left, so they finish them off.

The next day, Royston tries to dob Bertie in but Miss Boot yells at him. Royston gives Bertie, Darren, and Eugene gobstoppers to hide and they eat them but their lips turn blue.

Trivia

 * The time Bertie played a dog in Oliver but brought the scenery down is mentioned again.
 * Bertie remembers Angela trying to kiss him, which happened in "Kiss!".