Dirty Bertie: Dinosaur!

'''Dirty Bertie: Dinosaur! '''is a book.

Dinosaur
Bertie, Darren, and Eugene are looking for Whiffer in the park. When they find him, he's found what appears to be a large tooth. Bertie suspects it's a dinosaur tooth as it looks like an illustration in his palaeontology book, but he thinks it doesn't look millions of years old and hopefully speculates that dinosaurs aren't extinct after all and one is living in the park. The other boys get nervous and suggest heading home before dark, so they turn around and bump into Angela.

Angela is curious about what the boys have found and wonders if it's treasure. They hastily leave, refusing to show her or tell her about the tooth, but she's always keen on finding out secrets and is determined to find out.

On Saturday morning, the boys go to the park again, with binoculars, spades, and netting to catch the dinosaur. Darren wonders how they could catch the dinosaur and Bertie explains they'll dig a hole and cover it in branches. Eugene is unsure about the whole deal; he's both skeptical that it'll actually work and nervous that there really is a dinosaur.

The boys dig a hole deep enough to stand in, cover it up, and wait, with sticks to defend themselves with. After a long wait, Angela arrives and demands to know what the boys are doing. They tell her they're hunting a dinosaur and she claims she's seen one and goes to show them.

She leads them to Mr. Monk's house and it appears that there is indeed a dinosaur there. Mr. Monk enters, and when he isn't scared away, the kids suspect he's keeping it for a pet to attack people. Bertie decides they'll have to go in and attack the dinosaur.

Angela rings the doorbell, then the boys enter with their sticks and net. They catch the dinosaur, but it turns out to be only a model and its head breaks. Mr. Monk comes in and is very angry at the boys for breaking the model because it took him a long time to make it and was going to be in the museum.

The boys run away, with Angela following and Mr Monk chasing, and they go into the park, were the boys fall into the trap. They call for Angela to help them, but she says she's too busy.

Chocolate
Bertie's class is bringing things for the stalls at the upcoming Spring Fair. Bertie brings a used toothbrush. Royston brings a very large Easter egg and Nick suggests a competition: whoever correctly (or closest to correctly) guesses the egg's weight wins. On the playground, Bertie, Darren, Eugene, and Nick are all determined to win the egg.

The next morning, Bertie suggests using maths to try to figure out how much the egg weighs, but he, Darren, and Eugene are all bad at maths. He thinks Miss Boot should know, as she's a teacher, but he'd have to con her into giving him a clue.

He tries asking her about weight, and she tells him not to weigh the egg, which only inspires him to do just that. He tries to think of where it might be and decides it has to be in the staff room since kids aren't allowed there.

At lunch break, Bertie runs into the staff room and finds the egg, but belatedly realises he has no scales. He hides under the coffee table and the teachers enter and Miss Boot brings up to the other teachers how Bertie had earlier asked her if she weighed a ton during his series of weight-related questions.

Bertie gets very hungry and eats a piece of the egg. By the time the teachers have left, he has eaten half of it, so he wraps the uneaten half back up and puts it away.

At the fair, Nick wins the egg because he was told how much it weighed by the people who sold it, but is angry when he finds it half-eaten.

Pet Sitter
Bertie is doing his homework, while Mrs. Burns and Mrs. Nicely are talking. The Nicelys are going away, and the woman who usually feeds Pusskins, Mrs. Crab, is in the hospital, so she wonders if Mrs. Burns could do it. Mrs. Burns is too busy, so she suggests Bertie does it.

Bertie isn't interested and Mrs. Nicely thinks he isn't sensible enough, but he becomes interested when she says she will pay him, especially when she specifies five pounds.

At the Nicely house, Angela lets Bertie know that Pusskins eats twice a day, goes out into the backyard after tea, and only likes Kitty Krunch. Mrs. Nicely reminds Bertie to turn off the burglar alarm and writes down the code (427), and to lock the door.

The next day, Bertie accidentally sets off the alarm, but turns it off. He then feeds Pusskins and decides to explore the Nicely house. He goes up to Angela's room and reads a story she wrote where she's a princess and is the love interest of him, a prince. Bertie is grossed out by the story and fears being teased if she reads it out, so he decides to change the story.

Bertie comes back at six and Pusskins runs out the front. Bertie goes out to look for him, but Pusskins comes back of his own accord. Bertie feeds Pusskins, turns off the alarm, and goes upstairs. He then changes the story to be about a princess named Princess Poopalot who lives in a dustbin with rats and maggots for servants, and he changes the prince to be Nick.

Two people then enters the house, scaring Bertie, who hides under the bed with a book to defend himself with. A man enters Angela's bedroom and Bertie hits him on the head with the book, but then realises that the man is the police. A sergeant comes in and tries to arrest him, but Bertie tells the truth. The policemen don't believe Bertie, however, and take him outside. When he tells them that the house next door is his, they don't believe that either but decide to check to be safe.

Mrs. Burns tells the police that Bertie is indeed her son and tells them the whole story. When the police leave, she is grumpy with Bertie but agrees to keep the ordeal a secret from Mrs. Nicely.

On Sunday, Bertie gets paid, but Angela swipes the money to buy a new notebook.

Trivia

 * The events of "Worms!" are alluded to in "Pet Sitter".