Dirty Bertie: Zombie!

'''Dirty Bertie: Zombie! '''is one of the books.

Zombie
Eugene is coming over to Bertie's house for a sleepover. Bertie is very excited (even though Suzy is a bit annoyed she isn't also getting a sleepover) but wants Darren to come over too because usually the three do everything together. Mrs. Burns reluctantly lets Darren come over but tells him that the boys are not to stay up late.

On Friday, Darren and Eugene come over and Eugene has a chocolate cake which was a present from his mother. Mrs. Burns tells Bertie not to touch the cake because it's meant to be saved for Sunday tea. In Bertie's room, the boys play a video game called Zap the Zombie. Eugene is a little reluctant because zombies give him nightmares but he still enjoys it, especially because they're only cartoon zombies. Mrs. Burns enters and thinks the game is revolting, takes it, and tells them to play Snap instead.

That night, at ten PM, the boys go downstairs and try to steal the cake, but Mrs. Burns catches them and sends them back to bed. They protest due to hunger so she promises them snacks and later brings them up some fruit. Bertie is disappointed because he wanted candy bars instead, but Eugene is happy and bites into an orange. However, it's red and Darren jokes that it's full of blood and will turn Eugene into a zombie. Bertie goes along with the joke and the boys go to sleep, Eugene a bit nervous even though he's fairly sure his friends are just teasing.

Bertie wakes up in the night to find Eugene trying to open the door. Bertie calls Eugene's name but he doesn't answer. Eugene finally opens the door and walks down the hall, which puzzles Bertie because the only reason he can think of for Eugene to walk down the hallway at night is if he needed the toilet, and if that's the reason, why didn't he turn on the landing light?

Bertie follows Eugene downstairs and asks him where he's going, but he doesn't reply. Then, Eugene goes into the kitchen and Bertie follows, and he starts to think that maybe Eugene really has turned into a zombie due to his silence and vacant expression. Bertie is a bit nervous that Eugene will try to eat him, but instead, Eugene opens the fridge, takes a large bite out of Mrs. Clark's cake, and goes back upstairs and into his sleeping bag. Bertie, shocked, goes back to bed.

The next morning, Eugene is acting completely normally, but Mrs. Burns is none too pleased with the bitten chocolate cake. She asks Bertie if he did it and when Bertie tells her that Eugene "turned into a zombie" and bit the cake, she doesn't believe him and still believes Bertie did it. Eugene doesn't seem to remember having bitten the cake and claims he was asleep the whole time.

While Eugene is cleaning his teeth, Bertie grabs Darren and tells him that Eugene really did turn into a zombie. Darren points out that you can't really turn into a zombie from a blood orange and that Eugene is acting normally now, but Bertie says that they need to stay awake and see if he does it again.

The next night, Bertie stays up to midnight and Eugene comes out of the bedroom again. Bertie and a nervous Darren follow, then Eugene takes the cake out again, lays out a knife and fork, and says, "I've laid the table." The other two sit down and Eugene again eats a bit of the cake, this time taking a slice. Bertie's parents hear noises coming downstairs and think that it's intruders, so Mr. Burns comes down using a golf club as a weapon, scaring the boys. Bertie again claims that Eugene is a zombie, but Mrs. Burns explains that he's just sleepwalking. Eugene goes into the parents' bed and the other two boys decide to stay up and play the Zap the Zombie game.

Zumba
Mrs. Burns has dragged Bertie along to watch Suzy's dance class. Bertie watches the dance, feeling very bored, then Miss Foxtrot the instructor comes over and asks who Bertie is. Mrs. Burns explains that Bertie is Suzy's brother and Miss Foxtrot asks if he likes dancing. Suzy says no and Bertie explains that he's only watching but Miss Foxtrot insists he join in so he can learn something.

Bertie says no, but Miss Foxtrot is insistent and assumes he's just shy. He points out that he's not wearing the right shoes but Miss Foxtrot has a spare pair and puts them on him. None of the others think this is a good idea-- Bertie because he doesn't know how to dance, finds it boring, and is embarrassed at being the only boy in the class, and Mrs. Burns and Suzy because Bertie is accident-prone and may get in the way. Then, he decides to purposely mess up so he can get kicked out.

Miss Foxtrot has the class pretend to be seeds sprouting, but Bertie droops when asked to pretend to be a seed and pretends to be an angry giant when asked to pretend to grow bigger, kicking his classmate Smeeta and hurting Flora and Kylie in unknown ways. This works and Bertie is asked to sit outside.

Outside, Bertie plays a game on Mrs. Burns's phone and looks in the other rooms, which contain a toddler group singing nursery rhymes, a yoga group, and a group of women dancing. He notices that one of them is Miss Boot and finds it very funny. He then notices that the dance is called Zumba and phones up Darren on Mrs. Burns's cellphone, asking him to bring a camera.

Darren comes over and they watch Miss Boot dance, while laughing and goofing around. Bertie asks Darren to take a photo but he thinks Bertie should do it as it was his idea. Bertie is nervous to go in, but Darren tells him to put his hood up, so he goes in, takes the photo, and runs away.

On Monday, the whole class stares at Miss Boot and looks giggly. She sternly asks them what the joke is but nobody speaks, so she turns around and sees the photo on the board. She then recognises that it was Bertie who took the photo because of his brown hoodie and sends him to Class 1 to be Angela's dance partner.

Zoo
Bertie is excited because he is on a school trip to the zoo. The assignment is to study an animal, and Bertie has picked the elephants. Miss Boot tells the class not to get lost, yell, run, or fight, which disappoints Bertie. Then, she adds not to feed the animals. Nick asks if they can do sketches and Miss Boot says yes, then Bertie asks when lunch is and Miss Boot replies, "When I say so and not before".

On the zoo trip, Bertie is getting bored and hungry, so he takes out his lunch box and prepares to eat a roll, but Nick steals it and tries to throw it to Trevor, but it misses and lands in the monkey enclosure. The boys argue about who should retrieve the roll, eventually settling on Bertie, but he gets his head stuck in the railings.

Eugene suggests turning his head, but Bertie has already tried that. Darren suggests holding his breath and counting to fifty, but that is for hiccups. Darren and Eugene try pulling, but that hurts Bertie, so Darren and Eugene leave for fear of Miss Boot noticing their absence, promising to come back.

A monkey notices Bertie and then four more come over. He offers them his roll, the smallest monkey catches it, then the monkeys fight, with the small one winning. The small monkey then eats the roll on Bertie's head.

At the penguin enclosure, Bertie's friends are a bit concerned, and Miss Boot notices Bertie isn't present. Nick reveals that Bertie got stuck in the monkey cage, so they come over to find Bertie, with the little monkey still on his head and a crowd of people surrounding him. Miss Boot and Nick try to pull Bertie out but it just hurts.

A zookeeper arrives and shocks Bertie out of the railings by claiming he will decapitate him with a hacksaw. Everyone (except Miss Boot) is happy and it's now time for lunch. Bertie takes a photo of Nick holding his doughnut up by the elephant to frame him for feeding it.

Trivia

 * While the orange was not full of blood, an orange with red flesh is indeed called a blood orange.
 * The reason why being shocked helped get Bertie unstuck is because when you're shocked, you produce a hormone called adrenaline that makes you stronger and faster than you normally are.