Dirty Bertie: Trouble!

Dirty Bertie: Trouble! is a book.

Trouble!
Bertie and his friends are walking to school on Monday and discussing what they did over the weekend. When Eugene mentions that he studied for a maths test they have that day, Bertie realises that he procrastinated studying for the test and then forgot all about it. They arrive and begin classes, and Bertie worries, since he knows his mother would be angry if he got a bad mark. Then, he sees Miss Boot's coffee flask and gets the idea of replacing her coffee with a potion to make her forget about the test.

When the bell rings, Bertie steals the flask and hides it under his jumper. He shows Darren and Eugene, who stare in astonishment, and Eugene is about to ask Bertie why he stole it, when Nick arrives. Bertie hides the flask under his jumper again and refuses to answer when Nick asks what it is, then he leaves, and Bertie explains his plan to his two best friends. Darren is impressed, but Eugene thinks it's a bad idea. Bertie and Darren make their potion out of nettles, dandelions, spider web, and water, then Bertie adds mud to it to try to make it look like coffee and says a spell he made up. The bell rings, then Darren distracts Miss Boot by claiming Nick is stuck up a tree and Bertie frantically puts the flask on her chair. She enters the class and when she finds it there, she immediately suspects that one of her students is "playing tricks".

While Miss Boot explains the test, Bertie tells Eugene about the potion, causing Eugene to worry that it will make Miss Boot sick or cause her to change in an unwanted way (such as growing horns). This concerns Bertie, so when she reaches for the flask, he decides he needs to stop her from drinking it.

He asks for a window to be opened, pretending to be too hot, and she is grumpy but opens a window anyway. The test begins, and Bertie and Eugene tell Darren about Eugene's concerns. Miss Boot again reaches for her coffee and Bertie tries to offer her water instead, but she declines. She takes a sip, but thankfully spits it out before swallowing any. She asks her class which of them has been "playing tricks", and Nick suspects Bertie since he'd been carrying something that appeared to be the flask under his jumper. Bertie admits that he swapped the coffee for a "magic potion" to make her forget the test, so as punishment, she makes him study it every day until he gets full marks.

Sleepover!
Bertie and his mother have just gone clothes shopping, when they run into Nick and his mother. The two women start making small talk, while the boys talk about what they've bought and exchange insults. Then, when they separate, Mrs. Burns reveals that Nick's mother set up a sleepover at her house. Bertie is not happy with this, since he and Nick dislike each other.

The next week, Nick's mother invites Bertie to a sleepover on Friday, and Mrs. Burns accepts, much to Bertie's displeasure. He tries complaining to his friends, but they just laugh. Then, he tries talking to Nick about it, but it turns out that Nick's also not on board with it and tried to talk his mother out of it but failed.

On Friday, Bertie is dropped off at Nick's house, which is very neat and people aren't allowed to wear shoes inside. The boys go up to Nick's bedroom and try to find something to do, but they can't agree on anything -- Bertie isn't interested in Nick's coin collection and doesn't want to play schools, while Nick feels like a game of pirates would be too "rough". Then, Nick decides that Bertie should do something bad and get sent home.

At dinner, Bertie eats his soup without a spoon, burps loudly, and claims that this behaviour is normal at his house. Nick's parents are shocked and offended, but they don't send him home, so the two go outside and play pirates in the rain, then run around the house without taking their shoes off. This does get Bertie sent home.

Bully!
Bertie and his friends are playing cricket in the schoolyard before school starts, when the ball goes out of bounds and is picked up by a bully in the top class named "Masher" Martin. Bertie asks for the ball back, but Masher refuses to return it, so Bertie runs and tells Darren and Eugene, then Nick overhears and asks who has been stealing. When Eugene explains the situation, Nick starts teasing Bertie about being scared of Masher, so, to show off, Bertie calls Masher a big, ugly bully and vows to someday "teach him a lesson". However, Nick then claims he will tell Masher what Bertie said.

Bertie has trouble concentrating during English class, then at break time, he and his friends see Masher and Nick talking. Nick hides under the bench, but the two bullies find him and tease him for hiding. Then, Masher tells Bertie to meet him on the field after school or else he will "come looking". He then leaves, and Bertie asks why Masher asked him to meet on the field, to which Nick explains that it's for a fight.

At art class, Bertie has to sit still and be painted, but is squirmy with worry. He considers getting Darren and Eugene to fight with him, but they're too nervous (and in addition, Eugene's mother disapproves of him getting into fights). Eugene suggests telling Miss Boot, but Bertie thinks she wouldn't listen. Then, he squeezes red paint on his finger, hides the tube in his pocket, and pretends he injured his finger, but Miss Boot doesn't fall for it.

After school, Bertie appears on the field, where a crowd has formed, including Darren, Eugene, and Nick. Masher appears, then the two boys start fighting (meanwhile, Eugene disappears). Masher tries to attack Bertie, but Bertie keeps dodging him and then jumps onto his back. Masher swings around, flinging Bertie off his back and onto the ground, then freaks out when he notices that Bertie appears to be bleeding. Miss Boot and Eugene arrive, Masher runs away, and Miss Boot chews Nick out for instigating the fight and tells Bertie to tell her right away if someone bullies him again. She leaves, and then it's revealed that the red liquid was not blood after all, but rather paint from the tube he hid in his pocket.

Trivia

 * In "Trouble!", Bertie mentions that magic always works in stories "especially if you went to Hogwarts". This is the name of a school from the Harry Potter series.
 * "Trouble!" reveals that Miss Boot drinks coffee every morning.
 * "Sleepover!" reveals that Nick collects coins.